Traditional Mentorship is Dead... Go Find Something Else

Traditional Mentorship is Dead... Go Find Something Else

I learned what mentorship was supposed to look like in the Army, and I've spent years in the corporate world watching a hollowed-out imitation of it fail people.

What Mentorship Looked Like in Uniform

In the military, mentorship wasn't a program. It was a duty.

Leaders saw the development of their subordinates as a core responsibility. It wasn't something squeezed in when the calendar allowed. Counseling sessions were scheduled and taken as seriously as any mission brief. Feedback was direct. Coaching was constant. And here's the part that still strikes me: there was no compensation for it. No bonus, no line item, no recognition program. Just a genuine love for one another and a shared commitment to growing, professionally and personally.

That commitment wasn't accidental. It flowed from values we were taught to live by. In the Army, we called it LDRSHIP: Loyalty. Duty. Respect. Selfless Service. Honor. Integrity. Personal Courage. When those values are the foundation, pouring into the person next to you isn't extra work. It's who you are.

What Passes for Mentorship in the Corporate World

Then you take off the uniform, and you discover that this ecosystem simply does not exist.

Leadership as a whole is lacking. Most managers were promoted for technical performance and were never taught how to lead people. They can assign work; they can't develop a human being. And the "mentorship" structures companies bolt on top of that gap tend to fail in predictable ways:

It's assigned, with no skin in the game. HR matches you with someone, both of you attend a kickoff, and the relationship dies of politeness within three months. The mentor gains nothing from your growth and loses nothing by neglecting you. It's a checkbox.

There's a conflict of interest. When your mentor is also your manager, honesty becomes dangerous. You can't be vulnerable about your weaknesses with the person who controls your review and your raise.

Development is seen as creating competition. Some managers quietly avoid growing their people because a strong subordinate looks like a threat instead of a legacy.

And outside mentors will not fully understand your work. Coaches and networking-circuit advisors can offer encouragement and general wisdom, but without observing your actual performance, feedback stays generic. You get "build your brand" and "network more" instead of the direct, specific coaching that actually improves job performance.

So if traditional mentorship is dead, what do we do?

Find Something Else: Peer Mentorship

The answer, I've found, is peer mentorship: walking alongside someone who has been where you are, who has no authority over you and no agenda, and who tells you the truth because they care about you.

Let me tell you what that looked like for me.

I've been rebuilding a company in the wake of a major retirement exodus. If you've ever been in that seat, you know: everything needs attention at once. Systems, people, processes, culture, and a hundred decisions a week, each one feeling like it could set the trajectory for years.

The area where I struggled most was financial clarity. We weren't on the right software, the books didn't give me a clean picture, and I was making strategic decisions in a fog. I wrestled with it for a while, longer than I should have.

Then I called a friend. A fellow veteran business owner. A peer mentor.

And he went above and beyond anything I could have asked for:

• He came to see it for himself. He walked the place, met the people, and asked about our processes before offering a single opinion. He wanted to understand who we are, not just what our spreadsheets said.

• He asked about our processes before offering a single opinion. He wanted to understand before he advised.

• He dove into the details and didn’t stay high-level because the devil is in the details. We don’t need people who just give us “good ideas" without actually following through. 

• Conversely, he provided clarity and fresh strategic perspective. When I was bogged down in the details, he pulled me back to the altitude where a leader needs to operate and offered ways to solve problems I couldn't see from inside my own situation.

We have a long way to go. But six months in, this looks like a whole new environment. I am deeply grateful for him.

I should be honest about what this required from me: humility. Picking up the phone was an admission that I didn't have it all figured out. Letting another owner walk my floor, question my processes, and open my books meant exposing the mess, not the polished version. There were extremely humbling moments of vulnerability and failure along the way. But that is exactly what was needed. You cannot receive the kind of help that changes your business while protecting your pride.

Notice what made it work. Nobody assigned him to me. He had no authority over me and nothing to gain. He saw my actual operation, my real work, so his feedback was specific instead of generic. And he did it for the same reason my leaders in the Army did: because that's who he is.

That's not corporate mentorship. That's LDRSHIP, alive and well in the civilian world.

Surround Yourself With These People

Traditional mentorship, the assigned and compensated checkbox version, is dead. Stop waiting for your company to hand you a mentor. Find your peers instead.

Look for people who have walked your road, who share your values, and who will show up, ask questions, and tell you the truth. Then do the same for them. Selfless service didn't end when we took off the uniform.

We need to surround ourselves with people like this. And just as importantly, we need to be people like this.

Press on,
Freddie J. Kim

If this resonated, join Azimuth Check: Adjusting your bearings after honorable service — a monthly reset for leaders adjusting their bearings after honorable service.

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