Dear Vets: If Networking Feels Awkward, You’re Not Doing It Wrong
Dear Vets – are you frustrated with networking?
When I first left the Army, I saw networking as a way to drink for free with my friends. And yes, I know many of you did the same.
We went to an event, spoke to a few people, but ultimately spent the majority of the time with your friends and did minimal work with the people you just met. You don’t know quite how to answer the question, “so what do you do?” It usually leads to a story from the very beginning to about 5 minutes of you blabbing about your deployments. In the beginning, tradeshows were actually very difficult for me because I felt awkward talking to people and it all felt superficial. I would ultimately find my friends somewhere, and end up mostly hanging out with them.
On a side note, I remember that I took some of those company outings way too liberally and got myself in trouble treating them like dining outs. IYKYK.
Over time, I improved, but I was still awkward meeting new people and understanding the real purpose of networking. What I learned is that networking isn’t about immediate transactions – it’s about meeting people, finding common ground, and building authentic relationships.
That doesn’t mean I don’t go to tradeshows to meet specific buyers. I do. But when networking is done well, connection comes first. Shared interests and values create trust, which makes it easier to help one another and exchange resources across both networks over time.
Everyone knows someone. Everyone has strengths of their own. And if you take the time to sift through to see overlap in interests, it can lead to a fruitful professional relationship. If you actually like someone, you want to keep the relationship going, not limit it to one email and maybe a call. Networking is very much to initiate the long-term game with people with common professional interests. You see a lot of business gets done in locker rooms because shared sports create an instant bond.
When it comes to networking at live events, success isn’t about working the room – it’s about being likable. That means showing up energetic, friendly, and professional. If networking makes you uncomfortable, look for people you naturally connect with. Even introverts can show up with value to add.
What about digitally? It’s pretty much the same principle, but only with targeted requests for a 15-minute digital coffee. Preparation matters. Before reaching out, know who you’re contacting, why you’re reaching out, and what common ground might keep the conversation going. When you ask for time, come prepared. I’ve been on too many calls where someone requested 15–30 minutes without knowing my background or having a clear ask. It wastes everyone’s time. Intentionality goes a long way.
If you want help navigating networking conversations, I regularly recommend The 15-Minute Networking Guide. It offers practical frameworks you can use, not scripts to memorize. Use resources like this to prepare – but remember, real success comes from genuine connection. Focus on building relationships you actually want to continue, not just collecting contacts. When you show up prepared and curious, the right conversations tend to take care of themselves.
Adjust your bearings but keep moving.
Press on,
Freddie J. Kim
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